GLASSES RUIN EVERYTHING

If memory serves, and it often doesn't, I got my first pair of glasses when I was in fifth grade. I hated them then and I hate them now.

They pinch my nose, when they're not sliding down it. They get fogged up and rain-covered. They fall off the nightstand. They break. They get lost. They set off the metal detectors at the airport. They're a royal pain in the ass. All things being equal, I'd rather just have eyes that worked properly.

But you know where glasses really play the spoiler? Cosplay. I worked Plastic City Comic-Con this past weekend, and couldn't help but notice how many truly badass costumes had their badassery almost entirely negated because the cosplayer was forced to add glasses.

Now look, I know it's not anyone's fault. You love to cosplay and you have bad eyesight, I get it. But what about switching to contacts? Even just for the cons.

Or what about cosplaying as a character who WEARS glasses? You might not think there are a lot to choose from, but there are. Harry Potter. Velma from Scooby-Doo. Dr. Hugo Strange. The Baroness from GI Joe. Professor Farnsworth from Futurama. Peter Griffin. Daria. Dexter. Urkel. Doc of the Seven Dwarfs. The Minions. The list goes on.

Or don't listen to me and keep wearing your glasses and cosplaying as characters who don't wear glasses. But trust me — your bespectacled Wolverine isn't nearly as intimidating as you think it is.