This weekend — and throughout the playoffs, really — I am throwing my support behind the Philadelphia Iggles.
Now that may seem like an odd choice, given my complete lack of any connection whatsoever to the NFC, Philly, Pennsylvania, the Amish, the Liberty Bell, Ben Franklin, and hoagies.
But the Igs are a scrappy team, a fun team to watch, and a team that's overcome a lot to get to this point. That's a team I can get behind.
What I can't get behind is their fight song.
In case you're unfamiliar with the classic "Fly, Eagles, Fly," here it is in all its tone-deaf glory:
Here's my question: Why would eagles fly on a road? That doesn't make any sense. The whole point of flying is that you don't need roads, as Doc Brown informed us at the end of Back to the Future. But I guess they needed some physical thing that would lead to victory, and a road was the only thing they could come up with.
So then wouldn't it be "Walk, Eagles, Walk"? Or "Run, Eagles, Run"? Well, no, that doesn't make any sense either. Eagles don't walk or run. If they're going to be walking or running on the road to victory, they might as well be the Philadelphia Bipeds.
Is there perhaps a road in the sky with which I am unfamiliar? A strange skyroad upon which you can somehow fly?
Maybe we can fix all this by changing it to "Win, Eagles, Win"? But then it would still be "Win, Eagles, win, on the road to victory ..." Okay, it's definitely the road that's screwing everything up.
Let's go with, "Fly, Eagles, fly, to the nest of victory ..." See, now, that's perfect. That's poetry right there.
All we need now is a bunch of musicians, a recording studio, and a cheap distribution platform to get people humming this new version of a classic song in time for this weekend's game.