Standing in the grocery store the day after the blizzard that was supposed to usher in a new Ice Age and wipe humanity off the planet. Turned out to just be snow.
Staring at the completely barren bread shelves. Well, not entirely barren. The healthy breads are still there. Why such a rush on white bread before a storm? Do they burn it to keep warm?
Then on to the milk section. There's plenty of milk, even the healthy milk. Odd. Even more odd is that the egg shelves have been thoroughly raided. Were people going to ride out the bad weather making French toast? No, you need milk for that. Maybe it was a mad rush to ensure fried eggs and toast on that snowy morning.
And then there's that. Ssssshhhhhhhhkkk. The sound of a grown woman, nose a half-inch away from the screen of her phone, dragging her salt-encrusted Uggs across the linoleum. What are you, five? Is recess over and you're showing your reluctance to go back to class by scraping your shoes on the ground? Did the powerful storm render you unable to pick your feet up and put them back down like an adult?
In the spirit of keeping joy in my heart for the New Year, let me offer this suggestion. I'll give you a piggyback ride around Stop & Shop and then out to your car. Not only will I be rid of ssssshhhhhhhhkkk, but it's less likely that you'll bump into some poor old woman and knock her down, just because you can't be away from Splitter Critters for two goddamned seconds.
Watching with dread fascination as she trips over a WET FLOOR sign and smashes her phone.
Okay, well, that actually worked itself out nicely. The piggyback offer was sincere, but my back and knees aren't what they used to be.